Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
