Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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