his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
