woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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