I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
