Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Sext me about skeletons
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
