I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
