please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
