glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
