I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
