My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I touched a dick in church today
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
