Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
