i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
