i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
they're like a gay fantastic four
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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