we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
