Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
