I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
