In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
