I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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