I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
