Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
