I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
