Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
