ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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