I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
