This is not my ceiling
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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