I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
