This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
