Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
