I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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