maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
