Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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