What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
