what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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