i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
