Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
