she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Drake has all the answers
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
