something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
