if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
