my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
