Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
