I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i dont even know how to be here
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
