Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
