she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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