we're blogging at a bar
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
