my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
MIDGETS
????
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
