literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
