i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
