i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
