he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
