He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
