And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
