do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
